


Remember the night we snuck out and went to the fair?

by LagunaLock (CheckerboardChair)



Category: The Umbrella Academy (Comics), The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Abuse, Canon Compliant, Canonical Character Death, Incest warning (allison and luthor), Memories, Reginald Hargreeves A+ parenting, Sibling Bonding, Sibling Love, Sneaking Out
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-20
Updated: 2019-02-20
Packaged: 2019-11-01 06:33:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,707
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17862173
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CheckerboardChair/pseuds/LagunaLock
Summary: where the Umbrella Academy kids sneak out and go to a fair.and how the memory of it impacts them later.*It goes from fluff to angst to hope, with minor spoilers for the series*





	Remember the night we snuck out and went to the fair?

**Author's Note:**

> Hey, I wrote this because the idea was nagging me. It's pretty self indulgent, then it's sad. It's mostly because I want these children to have ONE GOOD MEMORY but ya know. hope you like it

Surprisingly, it was Diego’s idea. 

It was a rare moment of down-time at the Umbrella Academy, no new missions being given out to them, and Dad was gone for a few days to meet with someone important about something else, Diego doesn’t know he wasn’t really listening. 

What he does know, is that this was a rare opportunity. 

 

“We,” Diego said as he walked into the morning lit kitchen, “Should s--sne-neak out tonight. Go d-d, do, _ do _ something,” 

There wasn’t too much of a strict schedule or meal times when Dad was away, so everyone was arriving down in the kitchen at different times. Diego was early, so there was only Number One, Three and Four sitting at the table. 

“I’m sorry, what?” Allison asked. Her hair was piled on her head, still in her Academy PJs. 

“Yes!” Klaus exclaimed, pointing his butter knife at Diego.

“No.” Luther said in a strict,  _ I’m trying to sound like dad _ , voice that made Diego itch to punch him. 

Klaus flicked a blueberry at Luther, who glared back at him with intense hate. 

“You keep glaring, you’ll get wrinkles. What would we ever do if our fearless leader began to lose his looks?” Klaus pretends to swoon. 

Diego took his seat, pulling out a knife and running his hands over it. He smiled at Klaus, then looked at Luther, waiting for a response. 

Allison put a hand on Luther’s arm, looking at her knife-wielding brother. “Why do you want to sneak out?” 

“Dad’s gone, we’re thirteen, we’ve never done anything fun, we’ve never gone into the city for fun, we don’t have fun,” Klaus counted his reasons on his hands, “I could go on,” 

Diego pointed his knife at Klaus, “E-e.. exactly.” 

Five appeared in his seat with that particular sound and smell that happens when he teleports. “What are we talking about?” 

“We’re going out on the town!” Klaus said with enthusiasm. 

“No, we are not.” Luther frowned, “Dad told us to study for next week’s exam. And, what if we get an emergency mission?” 

“I’m so glad I’m not related to you by blood,” Klaus groaned. 

Allison cleared her throat, “I don’t know, Luth. It could be fun?” 

Five let out a snort, pouring himself some orange juice, “What would we, a bunch of thirteen year olds, do ‘on the town’?” 

Diego was about to answer, but Mom came down with Vanya and Ben. She greeted them all with a smile and question of how they slept. She then began to make them breakfast; eggs, bacon, oatmeal and fruit. They ate in mostly silence, until Mom said she needed to begin her chores. 

Allison looked at Diego with a smile, “So, where do we want to go?” 

Diego grinned smugly at Luther. 

“What’s going on now?” Ben asked, looking up from his book and becoming aware of his surroundings. 

“We’re sneaking out!” Klaus informed his brother. 

“No. we. are. Not.” Luther growled.

“Fuck off you absolute buzzkill of a child,” Klaus threw some bacon at him. 

Allison laughed and threw the bacon back. “So, we could go to a mall? The park? Movies?” 

“We need money for those things,” Five said without looking up from the newspaper. 

“Ha!” Luther said, “See, we don't have any money.” 

“ _ You _ don't have any money.” Klaus scoffed, “ _ I _ , on the other hand, have enough money for all of us to have a good time.” 

“Where have you been getting money?” Ben asked, Klaus shushed him. 

“Th-th-those are all sh-shh-shitty ideas, anyway.” Diego rushed out. 

“What’s you’re plan, then?” Allison asked, eating some of her apple. 

Diego shrugged, putting bacon in his mouth. 

Vanya, who hadn’t said a word since coming in, mumbled something. 

“Sorry Van, what was that?” Luther asked gently.

Vanya pulled out her pill bottle, downing two and letting out a heavy breath. “I saw, um, I saw an advertisement for a fair in the big park off the main street? I don’t know, it could be fun, it has, like, rides and games and stuff. I don’t know.” She looked down at her lap. 

Five kicked Vanya under the table gently, she looked up to see him giving her a small smile. “Yeah, that sounds like fun, actually.” 

“So you’re on board now, five?” Luther accused. 

“Y-yo-you’re the odd-d one out,” Diego grinned, arms crossed. 

“We can go without you, ya know. Might even be  _ more _ fun without a mini-dad following us around.” Klaus gave Luther a condescending smile. 

“Ben?” Luther asked hopefully, looking for support. 

Ben shrugged, “It could be fun, One.” 

Luther looked crushed, like a sad puppy dog. Diego rolled his eyes. 

“It’ll be fun, Luth.” Alison whispered to Luther. He looked at her shining eyes and smiled slightly. 

The rest of the table chose to pointedly ignore the look in both Allison and Luther’s eyes. It was a little creepy-crawly. 

Luther sighed after a moment. “Fine, but only for a couple hours. We get back here before midnight. And I’m blaming Diego if Dad finds out.” 

“Hell. Yeah.” Klaus laughed. 

 

They all finished breakfast, excited for what the night had install. Vanya felt proud that they liked her idea, and even more included when Allison invited her to get ready together. 

“I’m so glad Mom got us some real-people clothing,” Allison smiled over her shoulder at Vanya, who sat on Allison’s pink bed. 

Vanya nodded in agreement, not wanting to go out in their uniforms and dominos. 

“What should we wear?” Allison asked, “I feel like we should look nice, I mean, it’s not like we get to go out anywhere, as just  _ us _ , ya know?” 

“Yeah,” Vanya agreed, feeling a little out of place.

“Ladies!” Klaus greeted as he walked in with Ben, who was following him and reading a book. 

“What do you want, Klaus?” Allison put her hands on her hips. 

“I want to be apart of the ‘getting ready’ party!” Klaus dumped a pile of clothes on Allison’s floor. “But I hate everything Mom bought for me, so I need some inspiration from our model.” 

Allison laughed and nodded, “Okay, but you need to help us choose what to wear. And Ben can help as well.” 

“He’s just here because Luther and Diego are aggressively training.” Klaus explained. “And Five has disappeared again.”

“Hmm, yeah, there’s too much testosterone in there.” Ben nodded, collapsing on Allison’s armchair, “And I wanna look pretty to.”

Ben grinned at Allison, who threw a shirt at him.

 

They spent the next few hours like normal teenagers, planning their outfits for a night out. Allison even got out a pair of scissors and her sewing kit to help Klaus with is boring-clothing situation. Vanya was actually laughing, and she felt like she had siblings for once. 

 

Allison was doing her make-up when the other three decided to find them. 

They walked into Klaus wearing a crop-top, low waisted jeans and a faux-fur vest, Vanya in jeans and a baggy flannel, Ben wearing all black and a leather jacket, and Allison in a summer dress with stockings and a pink leather jacket. 

Diego and Luther were dressed very plainly, jeans and t-shirts, and felt under-dressed.

“I didn’t realise this was a formal occasion?” Luther asked, smiling at Allison. 

Allison laughed, “This is just for fun. Might as well, yeah?” 

“Alli, can you do my makeup? I want to look like a member of one of those emo bands.” Klaus asked. 

“Yeah, come over here,” Allison waved him over, sitting him at her vanity and going to work. When she was done, Klaus grinned like a maniac. 

“Beauty is a person, and it’s me,” He draped himself across the bed. Ben laughed, flicking his brother on the nose. 

Five walked into the room, no one asked where he was because it was pointless. He sat down on the bed next to Vanya.

“So, how are we going to do this?” Luther asked.

“Well, first off,” Klaus pulled out a large wad of cash, and distributed it to his siblings, “I want change back.” 

Luther pocketed the money, “Thanks, but that’s not what I meant.” 

“Well, Mom will be ch-charging by eight tonight, s-sss-since she didn’t charge last, last night.” Diego said, “So, we.. we can go the-n.” 

“Okay, what about Pogo?” Five asked.

“Pogo,” They all froze as they heard the ape’s voice behind them, “Will allow it if you are back before 12.”

They all turned and stared at Pogo, who was smiling slightly. He nodded at them and then turned around and walked away. There was silence and wonder of if that really happened. 

“Okay, so that’s taken care of.” Ben said, eyebrows raised in slight shock.

“Okay, meet in the foyer at eight?” Luther asked. They all nodded, agreeing.

  
  


 

A few minutes before eight, Luther and Allison made there way down to the foyer together, hands brushing against each other. Luther saw that she was wearing the heart locket, and smiled happily. 

“You look really nice, Alli.” Luther said truthfully. 

She smiled, “Thanks Luther.” 

They made it down to the foyer, where the others already were. It was surprising to see Five in casual clothing, just a plain short sleeve button up and some corduroy pants. 

“Took you guys long enough,” Five rolled his blue eyes.

“Everyone ready to go?” Allison asked, ignoring Five.

“Yeah. Do we know how to get there?” Ben asked, hands in his pockets and hood up. 

Vanya made a positive sound, nodding, “Yeah, I know.” 

“Cool, let’s get going.” Luther nodded. 

They all walked out the front door, which ruined the whole ‘sneaking out thing’, but no one was too upset about that. Klaus bounded a head, skipping and twirling in the street lights. 

The streets became more crowded at they got closer to the fair. When it was in seeing distance, Allison let out surprised laugh. 

It was beautiful, like a neon city. There were kids laughing and running by with fairy floss, and soon they were at the entrance to the fair in the park. 

 

 

“How about we split up and meet back for food over there?” Klaus pointed at the hotdog stand near the Ferris Wheel. Everyone nodded along, Allison and Luther already walking off. 

“Are we g-g-going to t-ta-alk to them about that, at some point?” Diego asked, looking at Allison and Luther laugh together as they went over to the games. 

Ben shrugged, “We’re adopted. It’s not incest.” 

“It feels like incest, is the problem.” Klaus pointed out. 

“Leave it,” Five said, “Let them feel like normal kids for a while.” 

“Okay, grandpa.” Klaus rolled his eyes. He grabbed Diego and Ben’s hands, pulling them over to the shooting game, “Okay, Diego, you’re gonna win me a toy pony!” 

Five smiled and turned to Vanya, who was looking at her feet. “Wanna go on a ride?” 

Vanya grinned, letting out a sigh of relief that he wasn’t going to go with the others. “Yeah!”

The siblings left towards the pop-up rides. 

  
***

 

“Come on, Diego!” Klaus groaned, “I want that pony!” 

“No, it’s ch-cheating.” Diego laughed. He honestly just wanted to frustrate Klaus, who was pouting and looking at the pony that was hung up behind the knock-down game. 

Ben was laughing silently, shaking his head and going over to play the game. 

“These are rigged, dude!” Klaus said, “We can only win with you’re aiming power!” 

“ _ WE HAVE A WINNER! _ ” yelled the guy manning the game, there was scattered clapping as Ben pointed towards the prize he wanted. 

Diego laughed and gave his brother a thumbs up. 

Ben walked back over to them with the pony toy under his arm. 

“You got it for me!” Klaus rejoced. 

“No, it’s mine.” Ben said, dead-faced, and began to walk off. 

Klaus let out a hurt sound and then chased after Ben, attempting to grab the pony from him. 

Diego’s laughs blended into the sound of the fair, he jogged to catch up with his brothers. 

 

***

 

Vanya and Five were in Dodge ‘em cars, actively trying to run each other over. 

Five hit Vanya’s car in the side, Vanya let out a war cry and bumped right back into him. They then presumed to drive around and chase each other, laughing. 

“Hit him, Vanya!” A voice yelled. Vanya looked up and saw Klaus leaning on the rails with Ben and Diego. “Get him!” 

Five looked at his brother, betrayal on his face. Vanya giggled and the ran into Five, pushing his car to the edge of the ring. 

Her three brothers on the sidelines cheered. 

“Traitors!” Five yelled. 

Vanya doesn’t think it could get any better than this. 

 

***

 

Luther brought down the hammer with little force, but it still hit the top and bells started ringing. 

“You’re a very strong young man,” The man running the game smiled. “What prize would you like, sir?” 

Luther looked at Allison, “You pick.” 

Allison smiled at Luther, “Um, can I have that feather scarf?” 

The man smiled and gave the feather bowa to Allison, who wrapped it around her neck and pouted her lips. 

“I’m ready for the red carpet, darling,” Allison said in a dramatic voice. 

“Shut up,” Luther laughed and they continued to walk around. 

Allison grabbed his hand, and Luther squeezed it back, and they felt ordinary for once. 

  
***

 

There was a dance floor set up near a picnic table-area, multiple food trucks all with long lines. Allison Rumored her way to the front of these lines, and soon the Hargreeves siblings had a buffet of shitty food. They were all indulging, except Luther, who refused to put that much grease and fat into his body. Seems like you can take the Spaceboy out of the Academy, but you can’t take the Academy out of Spaceboy. 

“- and these assholes were cheering her on!” Five said, Allison and Luther in stitches as they laughed at the expression on Five’s face. 

“Sore loser, Five.” Vanya smiled. 

Ben looked at her, she didn’t seem like the same person that was in the Academy. It’s almost like the Academy doesn’t exist right now. 

They weren’t numbers, or heroes, or their powers. They were just siblings, having a good night at a fair. 

 

Ben thinks it’s the most ordinary extraordinary thing he’s ever done.

 

“I love this song!” Klaus yelled, moving over to the dance floor. If Ben saw him slip a pill into his mouth, his brain decided that it wasn’t important right now. Even if Ben could see Klaus becoming hooked and dependent on the drugs, it wasn’t the right time to scold him. 

Klaus danced like a drunk snake, his limbs too long for his body. Ben laughed, he was the only one on the dance floor. Ben put Mr.Pony on his seat and went to join Klaus on the dance floor. He waved his other siblings over, Vanya laughed and pulled Five up with her, Diego joining them. Luther and Allison swayed in their seats, smiling at their brothers and sister. 

Ben grabbed Vanya’s hands and they began to swing around, Diego and Klaus were waltzing. Ben grabbed Five’s hand and the three of them swung around in a circle. 

 

On the way out of the fair, they found a photo booth and took a series of funny photos with stupid props and faces. 

Klaus looked at the three strips he had as they slowly walked back to the Academy. One was of all of them jammed into the booth, Vanya and Luther’s heads partly out of frame. The second was of him and Ben, just fucking around with hats and fake moustaches on. The last one was of him, Diego and Vanya. Those were sweet, all of them grinning and laughing. Each of them had a variation of which copies they got, as the booth only printed three strips at a time. Klaus put them in his pocket, and let the cool air of the city brush his face. 

He knew it was Ben’s hand on his shoulder, because he knew Ben. Grinning down at their number six, he swung his arm around Ben’s shoulders and the seven Hargreeves walked home. 

 

And when they got home, the high they had was gone. As Reginald Hargreeves had decided to come home early, and was waiting for them. They crossed the threshold into the house, and all reverted back to their numbers. 

One, Two, Three, Four, Five, Six, Seven

All forgot the night they all snuck out to go to the fair, the pictures put in drawers and Mr. Pony left in the corner. 

  
  
  
  
  
***  
  
  
  
  
  


The night they snuck out and went to the fair came back to them at different times. Different ways. Different Reasons.

 

 

For Vanya, it was when she was writing her book. 

 

_ Some might ask, was there anything good about growing up in the Academy? _ She wrote, pausing to think. Smiling slightly, Vanya continued: 

 

_ My answer is yes, there was. One night when we were thirteen, before Five ran away, before Ben died, when we snuck out of the Academy to the fair that was happening in the city. We spent the entire day getting ready, it was like a scene from a movie. It’s the most out-of-place thing in my memories of the Academy, like a red square of water in a sea of blue. It was wonderful, because that night my siblings were not the Umbrella Academy. They were just my siblings, and I was just their sister, and it was just a night out.  _

  
  
  


 

For Allison, it was after their father died. 

 

She wondered into her room and it was like walking back in time. 

Clean, exactly how she left it. Down to the angle of her old hair brush, the one that got caught in her hair and she refused to use. 

Allison ran her hands over the bed spread, over the window panes and over the posters on the wall. She heard music from Luther’s room next door, and it was like she was fifteen again. 

Allison began to bop to the beat, something in the corner of her room catching her eye. A purple feather-bowa. She grinned and grabbed it, swaying and dancing with it in her hands. 

After she stopped dancing, she still had it wrapped around her neck. A tickle in her mind made her go to the bottom draw of her vanity. She pulled out a poetry book that Ben had given them for their birthday, opening it and sitting on the floor. Inside, she had glued everything she loved onto the pages. Pictures, words, poems, notes from Luther. She flipped to a page, where three rows of photos were glued in. 

Tears stung her eyes, happy and sad ones. One row was of all of them, smiling and laughing, and the feather bowa was around her neck. Luther had won it for her.

 

The second row was of just her and Luther, smiling. The last picture in that row was Luther kissing her cheek. The last row was of her, Vanya and number Five. 

Five was smiling, which made Allison feel funny. She hadn’t seen him smile for so long. She hadn’t seen him for so long. 

She remembers when they came home, Dad was so unhappy. He didn’t speak to them for weeks, they had to eat dinner in their rooms alone, they couldn’t speak when not training. For two months. 

Allison, at that moment, felt no loss for her father. Only gratefulness, that she got out of the Academy when she did. 

  
  


 

For Luther, it was when he was the last one. 

 

Alone in the house.

Everyone had left, moved on, died or disappeared. 

It was impossible to explain, how Luther felt. He felt trapped in that house, he had to be in there. He had no idea how any of the others had managed to leave at all without collapsing with guilt. It was his  _ duty _ , he was born to do this. To save the world. To save the planet.

But he was lonely. There was nothing to do but wait for a mission. Dad didn’t leave his office. Mom just cleaned or stared at the paintings. Pogo wandered around, or slept, age getting to him. 

Whenever he saw Allison’s room, it felt like a punch to the gut. Like that lonely feeling had a mean right hook. Sure, he saw them sometimes. He saw Allison on T.V., in her movies, on her shows. He saw Vanya in her book. Diego showed up sometimes, not often. Sometimes Klaus would appear, looking for money or sneak in to the house to steal something. 

He was sick of it. He couldn’t sleep, couldn’t think. He had to do something. 

He thought this as he sat in the lounge, looking at the portrait of Five. He didn’t even hear Pogo come in, but realised Pogo was there when he sat next to Luther. 

“Master Luther,” Pogo said gently, “Are you well?” 

Luther nodded, rubbing his eyes and was surprised to find them damp with tears. 

“What is troubling you?’ 

Luther shrugged, unable to verbalize it. 

“Do you remember the night when you snuck out to that fair in the park?” Pogo asked, looking at the painting of Five. “You must have been thirteen or so.” 

Luther let out a laugh. “Yeah. I totally forgot about that until you mentioned it.” 

“Understandable. You had quite a rough time after you pulled that one off.” 

Luther smiled, “Yeah. But it was such a good night. I’ve never had anything like that before. I can’t even remember the specifics, but I remember feeling ordinary.” 

“You are far from ordinary, Luther.” 

“I know.” Luther sighed. “Everyone’s left, Pogo.” 

“Yes, but you have not.” Pogo put a hand on Luther’s arm. “And I’m so grateful to you for staying.” 

“It’s my duty. I’m number One.” Luther said. 

“You’re also a young man.” Pogo said, “When you forget that, remember that night you snuck out. Maybe it will give you some perspective.” 

Luther nodded at the old primate, unsure of how to take that. 

Maybe it would make sense eventually. 

  
  


 

For Diego, it was after Ben died. 

 

The house was silent, like no-one dared to speak or even breathe. Their Dad was stoic and silent, and for some reason that made Diego angry. So, so, so angry. 

He was outside, throwing knives at a tree, hitting the spots he aimed for again and again. Impossible to miss. 

Vanya had tried to talk to him, but he snapped at her. Told her to leave. She wasn’t apart of the team, she did not know what he was going through. And Luther hardly blinked, he’s the leader, this was  _ his fault _ . If he’s such a great leader, why wasn’t Ben here? Why wasn’t Ben here? Why wasn’t Ben here? Why wasn’t Ben here?

Rage took over and Diego stomped inside, his knives in his hands, he beelined towards Luther’s room.  _ He was probably in Allison’s room _ . A bitter taste sat in his mouth, how could Luther do that at a time like this?  _ Why wasn’t Ben here? _

He was in the hallway all of their rooms were in when he froze. 

Ben’s room.

To his left. 

He went over to the door, his breath shaky as he pushed it open.

It looked the same. The same small bed in the corner, a pile of books sitting next to it. Clean, but very Ben like. 

He stared at the bed, expecting his brother to appear there.  _ Why wasn’t Ben here? _

Diego noticed something

On Ben’s bed, half under a pillow, was a toy horse. 

Stumbling over to the bed, Diego pushed the pillow out of the way and snatched the horse off the bed. 

He looked at it, like it was the last thing he would ever own. He remembered that night, the night they snuck out and went to the fair. Ben, Ben won the toy just to annoy Klaus, because Diego wouldn’t win it for him. A small chuckle escaped his mouth.

Hands squeezing the greying fur, another sound pushed its way out of Diego’s mouth. 

A sob. 

He began to cry, like he’s never cried before. Like the world was ending. 

He screamed into the toy pony. 

He sobbed, and sobbed.

He screamed and screamed. 

The door to Ben’s room opened, the familiar sound of Grace’s heels on the floor made him look up. 

She smiled at her son sadly. 

“Mmm-mm-mmm-ooo-” He sobbed out. “B-b-b-b-” 

He had never felt more like a child.

Grace kneeled down gracefully, her skirt surrounding her as she put her arms around her son. 

“Shh, shh, it’s okay Diego.” She said, “Just imagine the word in your mind.” 

“B-b-ben.” He sobbed out. Grace nodded, understanding. She felt the loss in her machinery, like a limb missing in her system. 

“He’s okay. He’s not here with us anymore, but he’s okay.” She said, her hands running through Diego’s hair. 

“W-why i-is-isn’t-t he  _ here _ ?” Diego cried, holding the pony close to his chest. 

Grace closed her eyes, wondering if she would be crying if she could. 

“Just imagine Ben in your mind,” She whispered, “And he’ll always be here.” 

Diego repeated that in his head. 

Ben will always be here. 

Ben will always be here. 

Ben will always be here. 

 

He will always be here.

  
  


 

For Number Five, it was when he came home.

 

Specifically, when he went to Vanya’s place to explain about what he had been through. She was so much older, yet so young. It was harder to process that she was older and younger than him. Vanya, number seven, the overlooked one. The ordinary one. 

Time Travel had changed him, changed him so much he can barely remember what it was like before that. Who he was. 

 

He laid on the couch Vanya had set up for him, planning to leave as soon as he could. Something kept him there, though. 

Vanya came out of her bedroom, to get some water. Five watched her, before he decided to speak.

“Do you remember that night we snuck out and-”

“-went to the fair?” Vanya smiled and nodded. She walked over to the couch. He moved his legs up and she sat down next to him. 

“It’s one of the only things I remember clearly.” Five admitted, “I remember reading about it in you’re book. The only positive thing in there, if I recall.” 

Vanya let out a slight laugh, “Yeah, I think so. Do you remember, the Dodge ‘em cars?” 

Five smiled for real, which was strange for the muscles of his face, “Very clearly. You kept running into me.” 

“Yeah, because you weren’t  _ dodging ‘em _ , Five.” His sister smiled at him, a sense of nostalgia was present.

Five laughed for the first time in a long time, his own high pitched voice unfamiliar. “I look like we did then.” 

“You do.” Vanya agreed, “But at the same time, you’ve never looked older, Five.” 

Five furrowed his brow, Vanya stood up and went to her bookcase. She pulled out a book and then handed it to Five.

“Ben gave everyone one of these the year after you left.” Vanya said quietly, “I think you should read it.” 

“Ben.” Five said. “I only found out about him from your book. I thought he had died with you. Or maybe survived, since I couldn’t see his body.” 

Vanya looked at him, not believing but not unbelieving. “I’m sorry you had to find out in my revenge-biography I wrote to piss off Dad.” 

“That’s not why you wrote it.” Five stated. 

“I know. Read that, Five.” Vanya said and then left to her room. 

Turning on a lamp next to the couch, Number Five open the book to a book-marked spot. 

_ I remember, I remember, _

_ The house where I was born, _

_ The little window where the sun _

_ Came peeping in at morn; _

_ He never came a wink too soon, _

_ Nor brought too long a day, _

_ But now, I often wish the night _

_ Had borne my breath away! _

_ I remember, I remember, _

_ The roses, red and white, _

_ The vi’lets, and the lily-cups, _

_ Those flowers made of light! _

_ The lilacs where the robin built, _

_ And where my brother set _

_ The laburnum on his birthday,— _

_ The tree is living yet! _

_ I remember, I remember, _

_ Where I was used to swing, _

_ And thought the air must rush as fresh _

_ To swallows on the wing; _

_ My spirit flew in feathers then, _

_ That is so heavy now, _

_ And summer pools could hardly cool _

_ The fever on my brow! _

_ I remember, I remember, _

_ The fir trees dark and high; _

_ I used to think their slender tops _

_ Were close against the sky: _

_ It was a childish ignorance, _

_ But now ’tis little joy _

_ To know I’m farther off from heav’n _

_ Than when I was a boy. _

_ -I remember, I remember by Thomas Hood _

 

Five let out a breath, looking at the strip of photos that was used as a bookmark. It was of Vanya, himself and Ben. He felt something in his chest that was akin to loss and rage and happiness. Standing up, he left the book on the coffee table. 

He had work to do.

  
  


 

 

For Klaus, it was because Ben reminded him. 

 

 

And for Ben, it was because Klaus needed to be reminded.

 

Klaus had never felt so numb, yet so sensitive, without drugs in his system. To be fair, he was drunk, but that didn’t really count. 

It was like he wasn’t real, like nothing was real. 

His room, lamps and low lighting, mismatched furniture that was dirty as shit, and walls covered in quotes from bands, quotes from authors. Things that the dead told him, on those nights when they found him, they always found him. Not real.

Dave. 

The thought of him hurt Klaus more than he can even explain. It hurt him more than he could feel. 

He knew he was crying, but he didn’t care. It was like breathing, crying for Dave. 

“Klaus.”

Klaus looked up, to see Ben sitting on the floor next to his bed. “The fuck have you been?”

“Around.” Ben gave him a sad smile.

“I needed you.” Klaus said, his voice rough and tired.

“I never left, Klaus. I don’t leave.” Ben said, reaching out to Klaus, before pulling back.  _ Right, he’s dead. Perfect. _

“Everyone leaves, Ben. You did leave. You died.” Klaus laughed, his eyes still leaking tears. 

Ben flinched. It hurt, even now, when it was said out loud. It had taken him years to remember that he could only be heard by Klaus. 

“I won’t leave unless you want me to, Klaus.” Ben sighed, looking at his brother’s profile. He’d gotten a tan in ‘nam, a few new scars and freckles. A few more traumas, because he really needed more, didn’t he? It almost made Ben laugh at the cruel irony. 

“I wish you were real.” Klaus cried quietly. 

“Klaus, I am real.” Ben said, slightly frantic at his brother’s comment. “I’m real.” 

Klaus shook his head, “No, no you aren’t real.” 

“Yes I am.” Ben said. He was standing now, looking around for something. “Where do you keep them?” 

“Keep what?” Klaus groaned. 

“The photo booth pictures,” Ben said, looking at the posters on the wall, at the shelves and on the floor. 

“Photo booth…?” Klaus asked, his head foggy. He sat up, looking at his not-real ghost brother. “What photo booth?” 

“Do you remember the night we snuck out to go to the fair?” Ben said, crouching in front of Klaus. 

“When we were twelve?”

“Thirteen.” 

“Whatever. Yeah, I remember. What about it?” 

Ben looked at Klaus. “That was the best night ever. Remember?”

Klaus sighed, rubbing his temples, “I don’t remember much, I’ve done a lot of drugs since then, man.” 

Ben sighed. “We were thirteen. Dad was away on a trip or something. Diego suggested we sneak out. You agreed completely. Vanya said there was a fair, so we went. You and the girls spent the entire day getting ready, remember? You cut up shirts, and it was like a scene from a movie.” 

Klaus looked at Ben, his eyes still clouded and he wasn’t processing what Ben was saying. 

“Klaus, look at me, remember? We got to the fair, and we split up. You saw this toy pony, you really wanted it, you kept on asking Diego to win the can toss thing so you could get it. And then-” 

“And then you went and won it and kept it for yourself.” Klaus finished, his eyebrows furrowed and a dream-like smile on his face. “And I chased you until you said we could share custody of Mr. Pony.” 

“Yeah. What happened next?” Ben urged him to continue. 

“And then we played some more games, and that one girl hit on you, and I couldn’t stop laughing. Diego was so fuckin’ bummed she was looking at you and not him,” 

“Sore loser.” Ben laughed.

“Family trait. Then we went to the dodge ‘em cars, and Vanya kept on bumping into Five. He was so mad,” Klaus laughed, his eyes less clouded, more present. “We got food, and One wouldn’t eat any of it, the pussy. Then I danced, we all danced. And we got those photos…”

Klaus stood up and went to his closet, pulling out the book that Ben had gotten them for their birthday. 

“You still have it.” Ben smiled as he looked a the book poems he had given to his siblings. 

“Never read it.” Klaus laughed, but he opened it to where the photo booth pictures were. 

“I didn’t expect you too.” Ben said, looking over Klaus’ shoulder. “Look how little we were.” 

“First time I wore make up outside.” Klaus smiled. He looked at the strip with just him and Ben, running his fingers over their smiling, childish faces. 

“That’s real, Klaus.” Ben whispered. “I’m real. If you ever forget that, look at this book, these pictures. I’m real.” 

Klaus let out a sob-cry, before breathing in and out. “I need a bath.” 

“Yeah.” Ben said, “Go have a bath.” 

Klaus nodded, putting the photos and the book next to his bed, within arms reach.

 

 

Ben was always within arms reach. 

  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Ben is my baby boy, he's my angel cake.


End file.
